Governing Badly Since Democracy Began

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Governing Badly Since Democracy Began

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Revolutionary Bureaucratic Breakthrough: Agency Creates Manual for Creating Manuals That Create Other Manuals
Tech & Culture

Revolutionary Bureaucratic Breakthrough: Agency Creates Manual for Creating Manuals That Create Other Manuals

The Federal Bureau of Administrative Standardization has achieved what experts are calling 'peak bureaucracy' with the release of their new Meta-Strategic Framework Development Protocol. After three years of intensive committee work, they've successfully created a system for creating systems that will create future systems.
Department of Tomorrow Proudly Presents Yesterday's Blueprint for Next Week
Tech & Culture

Department of Tomorrow Proudly Presents Yesterday's Blueprint for Next Week

The Bureau of Strategic Foresight has finally released its comprehensive 2022-2025 Vision Statement, arriving fashionably late in December 2025 with all the timeliness of a sundial at midnight. Officials remain confident the document accurately predicts what should have happened eighteen months ago.
Circle Emerges as Peak Achievement After $2.4 Million Logo Development Initiative
Tech & Culture

Circle Emerges as Peak Achievement After $2.4 Million Logo Development Initiative

The Office of Streamlined Operations has successfully concluded a three-year logo design process, producing what officials describe as 'a revolutionary circular representation of bureaucratic excellence.' The geometric breakthrough required only fourteen committees and two design firms to achieve.
Senate Clarifies What 'Infrastructure' Means on Page 841, Retroactive to Events That Have Already Happened
Tech & Culture

Senate Clarifies What 'Infrastructure' Means on Page 841, Retroactive to Events That Have Already Happened

Buried inside the Consolidated American Infrastructure Investment and Renewal Act — between a provision extending tax credits for certain categories of gravel and a sub-clause exempting a specific bridge in western Pennsylvania from the definition of 'bridge' — is a 900-word rider formally defining what the word 'infrastructure' means. The definition is effective retroactively. Experts say this raises questions. The experts have not agreed on what those questions are.
Forty-Seven Million Dollars Later, the Agency's Website Still Has a Broken Link to Its Own Mission Statement
Tech & Culture

Forty-Seven Million Dollars Later, the Agency's Website Still Has a Broken Link to Its Own Mission Statement

The Bureau of Interagency Coordination and Regulatory Alignment has spent three years, eighteen contractor bids, and the GDP of a small Caribbean nation redesigning its public-facing website. The homepage now loads in under four seconds. The PDF explaining what the Bureau actually does has been unavailable since Tuesday, February 2022, and is expected to remain so.
America Has 137 Offices Dedicated to Cutting Government Waste, and They Are Thriving
Tech & Culture

America Has 137 Offices Dedicated to Cutting Government Waste, and They Are Thriving

Somewhere in a federal building in Washington, a task force is meeting to discuss the elimination of redundant task forces. Across town, a separate task force is meeting to discuss the same thing, unaware the first one exists. A third is preparing a report on both of them, though it has not yet been told about either. This is, experts say, the system working.
Wisconsin Man Who Stopped Reading Political Emails in 2008 Is Quietly Winning at Life
Tech & Culture

Wisconsin Man Who Stopped Reading Political Emails in 2008 Is Quietly Winning at Life

By every available metric — financial stability, sleep quality, blood pressure, and general outlook — a 47-year-old accountant from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, has outperformed the combined legislative output of the 118th Congress simply by unsubscribing from everything and going to bed at ten. Political consultants are reportedly furious. He has since been asked to run for Senate.
The Government Has a 400-Page Plan to Have Fewer Plans, and It Is Going Exactly as You'd Expect
Tech & Culture

The Government Has a 400-Page Plan to Have Fewer Plans, and It Is Going Exactly as You'd Expect

The Office of Administrative Streamlining has released its landmark Strategic Reduction of Strategic Planning Initiatives report, a 400-page document recommending the immediate formation of three new subcommittees to oversee the elimination of subcommittees. The report took four years, cost $14 million, and has been filed in a cabinet for which no one appears to own a key.
Washington Unites at Last: Seventeen Senators Claim Sole Credit for Renaming a Post Office That No Longer Exists
Technology & Culture

Washington Unites at Last: Seventeen Senators Claim Sole Credit for Renaming a Post Office That No Longer Exists

In a rare display of cross-aisle harmony, the United States Congress has unanimously passed legislation renaming a rural Nebraska post office after a locally beloved mail carrier, with both parties immediately declaring it proof that democracy is working. The post office in question has been closed since 2019. Seventeen sitting senators have issued press releases claiming primary responsibility for the achievement.
Bold New Plan to Save American Democracy Requires, Quite Coincidentally, Several Million Dollars Paid to the People Who Wrote It
Tech & Culture

Bold New Plan to Save American Democracy Requires, Quite Coincidentally, Several Million Dollars Paid to the People Who Wrote It

The Brookings-Adjacent Center for Sensible Discourse has released what it is calling the most comprehensive roadmap for democratic renewal in a generation, a 14-point framework that its authors describe as both urgent and, in a development they stress is entirely coincidental, exclusively implementable by the Center itself at a cost of $4.7 million per phase. The Center's executive director has called for immediate action, beginning with a funded feasibility study to determine the feasibility of funding the feasibility study.
The Agency That Watches the Agency That Watches the Agency Has Finally Watched Something
Tech & Culture

The Agency That Watches the Agency That Watches the Agency Has Finally Watched Something

After thirty-seven years of careful preparation, the Federal Office of Interagency Review Coordination has published its long-awaited assessment of an agency most of its own staff believed to be fictional. The report runs to 847 pages, 612 of which are appendices explaining why the other 235 pages should not be taken as definitive. Nothing will change.
Nation Heals as Senate Achieves Glorious Bipartisan Consensus on Naming a Post Office After Someone's Uncle
Technology & Culture

Nation Heals as Senate Achieves Glorious Bipartisan Consensus on Naming a Post Office After Someone's Uncle

In scenes of near-tearful unity not witnessed since the last post office renaming in April, the United States Senate passed the Gerald R. Hoffmeister Memorial Postal Facility Designation Act by a vote of 97 to 3, prompting senators from both parties to declare that American democracy is, in fact, still alive. Seventeen bills addressing infrastructure, prescription drug pricing, and the federal debt ceiling remain tabled pending improved atmospheric conditions, currently forecast for approximately 2047.
After Years Of Careful Deliberation, Congress Agrees To Carefully Deliberate On Whether To Carefully Deliberate
Tech & Culture

After Years Of Careful Deliberation, Congress Agrees To Carefully Deliberate On Whether To Carefully Deliberate

In a historic display of legislative momentum, the United States Congress has unveiled an ambitious new working group tasked with determining whether conditions are right to explore the possibility of forming a committee. Experts describe it as 'the boldest act of structured inaction in modern American governance.' The group meets quarterly, pending availability.
The DMV Is Now America's Best-Run Government Agency, And Nobody Is More Alarmed By This Than The DMV
Tech & Culture

The DMV Is Now America's Best-Run Government Agency, And Nobody Is More Alarmed By This Than The DMV

The Department of Motor Vehicles, for generations a reliable shorthand for governmental incompetence, has quietly ascended to the top of the Federal Agency Competency Index — not because it got dramatically better, but because everything else got dramatically worse. A regional supervisor in Akron, Ohio, has asked not to be quoted and then said several very quotable things.
Washington's Think Tanks Achieve Historic Unity On The One Issue That Has Always United Them: Needing More Money To Think
Technology & Culture

Washington's Think Tanks Achieve Historic Unity On The One Issue That Has Always United Them: Needing More Money To Think

For the first time in recorded history, twelve of Washington's most ideologically opposed think tanks stood shoulder to shoulder at a joint press conference to announce a landmark area of agreement. They all need more funding. Specifically, to find out whether they need more funding. Three new think tanks were established before the press conference ended.
Digg, Reddit, and the Greatest Rivalry the Internet Ever Had (And Then Forgot About)
Tech & Culture

Digg, Reddit, and the Greatest Rivalry the Internet Ever Had (And Then Forgot About)

Before Reddit was the front page of the internet, there was Digg — a scrappy, user-powered news aggregator that once ruled the web with an iron fist and a comment section full of flame wars. This is the story of how it rose, how it fell, and how it keeps refusing to stay dead.
Digg, Reddit, and the Greatest Fumble in Internet History
Technology & Culture

Digg, Reddit, and the Greatest Fumble in Internet History

Once upon a time, Digg was the undisputed king of the early internet — a place where nerds, news junkies, and professional procrastinators gathered to vote stories up or down like tiny digital gods. Then came a catastrophic redesign, a mass exodus, and one of the most spectacular self-owns in tech history. Grab a coffee. This one's a ride.